be-lie-ve

a vampire's choice

2007-01-03T06:42:00.000-08:00

grab my hair and yank--
exposing veins and a throat,
a backbone, muscle and all that tension
encased in ivory-gold
hollows and shadows
swells and curves
a complexion of velvet, silk and cream
all touch...and all yours
to explore and blaze map out what's where
and leave your mark? it's all new to her
you can't talk her out of it; she can't hear a word
her blood is too loud, pounding in her ears
pulsing so violently beneath such delicate skin-
will you scilence it? will you leave it red?
would you indulge in such a caustic sin?
there's so much life packed into a neck,
it's so well-gaurded by shoulders day and night,
lying open, for the taking,
how could you not take a bite?

September

2006-09-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

Once again, here we go
The whole routine starts up once more
The seasons change
And I'm estranged
From summer, and all I feel I know

There's a fire in our lives, the leaves start to burn
As life leaves them; death's a hard taste to learn
Sapphires should be cut into tears
Which we shed for grief, which we shed for fears
To bloom, first we fall; to fall, we must turn

It is pretty, once things get cold
Leading to winter, a change to behold
But Eventually, as we must remember,
Following one is another September,
And every one leaves me feeling old

honors

2006-09-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

was it my eyes
staring at yours from way back here,
smiling
at the jokes i hear
or maybe you've just never seen fear
in the sapphires way back here?

what made you push me sir?
was it the flaming hair, the rings i wear
winking
in light here and there
was it just a whim or a solemn swear
that i could do better were i elsewhere?

was it my scilence
of taking everything in
or am i just considering a sin
i can't forget?
what made you think i could do more--
have you even figured it out yet?

6

2006-08-13T11:34:00.000-07:00

i said allo
i feel hollow
so insubstantial, cuz
i've worked it off
my frame was overused,
i let it go abused
and now it's gone

can i stumble?
have i even got that right at all?
i want to crumble
tell me, where can i fall?
cuz my arms
can't catch me
i'm still gonna save me

verse one

2006-08-04T13:36:00.000-07:00

i've told myself all kinds of shit that i shouldn'tve had to say
about the crap i took i shouldn'tve taken from you day after day
when you ask what's wrong with me, i'm looking for a flaw
i just realized that nothing was ever wrong at all
there's no more incentive, nothing in it for me,
so good enough for you is something i'll never be.

my two firsts

2006-07-30T18:38:00.000-07:00

the difference between

my first loss

and

my first love,

the first beneath

and

The first above;

between

the first show of strain

and

the first recollection,

the first kiss

and

the first confession

'twixt

the first to leave

and

the first to come;

one is dead

one is gone

lovely

2006-07-17T05:12:00.000-07:00

hey Lovely,
what's got you so down
is that there's so much more to go
so much more 'til you can drown
and now you think you know

aw, Lovely,
darling, have a cry
lay your head down and dream
i'm staying at your side,
i'll watch over as you sleep

hey Lovely,
does it make you feel good
that i'm waiting here for you,
the only one who can make me move?

Lovely ,
it'll all be fine, you'll see
i've got you, you've got me,
so can i be
your Lovely?

consequences

2006-06-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

can't move
been burned
can't take the pain of shifting
can't sleep
been scared
don't think the ache is lifting

dead skin
on top
dead skin waiting to fall away
it burns
it aches
the only thing i can do is wait

i've had
a rough day
got a rougher night up ahead
hurts to
sit still
i'll be writhing in pain-in bed

hurts to be touched
but i want to be touched
there's nobody to touch
me

tired and for what

2006-06-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

headache
from behind my right eye it threatens me.
yahp. got that from a story
like the one i keep starting; which turns into
the ones i can't finish
took my hair down at the end of the day
it smells nice.
but i don't want to say that;
it's your part
and i'm just rambling
because i'm tired
the kids are crazy
but hey the money's ok
their mom's a doll;and a dwarf
their dad is not about first impressions
won't be analyzing now though,
because
i am tired

Quiet Kind of Beautiful

2006-05-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

When she's not laughing,
When nothing's being said
She flips herself inside out,
She shows Nohbody what's in her head.
It's an elegant kind of sad;
one that she holds well
Even as her legs shake, (but never give)
You'll never notice; she'll never tell.
With infinite grace, she sports a skirt,
Simply to remain true to her sex,
She's made herself comfortable, so she sits alone,
waiting silently fearing what's next.
It's a loud kind of silent;
Not a single or particular theme
Listen to what she says without speaking
She's never just what she seems
At a glance, here, she's pretty,
Which is exactly what she wanted to,
It's picked up, as she moves, she's beautiful
-What's causing this? or is it'who'?
It's a quiet kind of beautiful,
As she listens to the rain,
This "content" woman, this "cute" little girl;
See her beauty when she's in pain.

a virtue

2006-05-26T11:37:00.000-07:00

colors won't seperate now
takes longer to focus somehow
and i'm just going to wait it out
sits on the bough
cries her eyes out
goes home so she can wait it out
she takes it down
you'll never see
her with a frown
that's just for me

nothing's right- not right now
but it'll all pull together somehow
'til then we just have to wait it out.

it's what's on the roses; and this girl wears white dresses

2006-05-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

rain and spearmint;
i'll have to experiment
with bottling this hunger
diluted honeysuckle's better,
stays on your tongue longer;

wash me pretty and clean
cuz i'm the queen
of wet
buy me water-proof paper and pen
it's the same damned thing
no matter where you are
the same feeling
whether you're here or far
away...
so stay another day
with me
come on, allez!
let's go away
we'll follow the rain
don't ever stop it
just kiss me in the downpour
cuz you can't stop the pain
but you're worth waiting for!

Long hot nights

2006-04-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

nighttime...a public blend
of spirit and sex
pointed toes, I'm thinking
of what's next,
standing in the very back
of the hall
I close my eyes, taking
in it all
I'm warm and worn out, want to be rid
of this guise,
I'd have done this now,
no need to compromise
the air is thick and sticky
think I'm starting to drown,
my knees won't gel-but break
and it all comes tumbling down
Like me, falling into your arms
-wait,
just before you can catch me
I awake
and I'm here again,though
I never left here,
the only existing fantasy
was that you were near,
was that head-to-toe we were
all touch, all skin,
was that angels envied our
rewriting of sin,
green-headed deamons
are left behooved
at our being bound together
by locks that move;
contact never breaks-
Jesus, it's hot-
kind of like a bubble-

you're about to pop

wife of [away]

2006-03-16T14:46:00.000-08:00

ok.
clean up the mascara, girl.
the rest of your face, too.
it's time to go face them again--
can't let them see what this does to you.
you could be worse off,
you tell yourself
to a point that's true.
but they can't miss what you've felt--

get worked up again
the way you always do
every time you think it's him,
and ''not him'' breaks through you.
they make it so hard
but you. chose. this.
that doesn't make it any easier
while you want to be held, want to be kissed.

missed again

2006-03-16T14:38:00.000-08:00

i can barely hear you.
just a few words here and there.
i'll always recognize you, though.
i swear
"i love you," i hear.
Then, "i love you SO MUCH."
[i love you, too]
but there's no one to hold me, no one to touch.
can't let myself cry
i HAVE to hear your voice
can't stop the tears from rolling though--
there i have no choice
a harsh click:
can start sobbing again
the farther away you are from me
that blade gets shoved farther in
i actually thought i was ok,
thought i was doing alright
then something like this rips me open again...
bet i won't sleep much tonight.

i hold them in my arms
wishing as much could be done for me
i don't cry in front of them.
they naver get to see
what i once showed you.

lullaby

2006-03-12T19:16:00.000-08:00

everyone goes though a lonely spot
you just want to be held but
there's no one to do the holding
you think, "god, thanks a lot."
but you can't hear between
the screams and scolding

you're there, in my head
[stop crying, my baby]
i'll give up being held
if i can hold you instead
[it's alright, darling,] i'll
shoulder everything that you've felt

i know
you're gonna glow
you're gonna go
far

the peace of mind
i want you to find
leaves me behind;
let me be your scar--

there'll be flowers,
i'll be your maid of honor
when you marry your
knight in shining armor;

until then
i'll stand in.

ill

2006-03-10T14:09:00.000-08:00

don't punctuate the line
don't finish the rhyme
let them wonder what's next
let them wander in the lie

it's gonna come up
then the pill that's stuck;
lodged in the base of my throat
well that's just my luck

don't surround that one
leave its ends undone
it'll stand like a rebel:
most potent when alone

clammy; there is only ache
as you sit there for hours and make
all these pieces that seem so real
but you're about to break

rack your mind, search that head
unable to sleep, sit in bed
try to sound the way you want, but
it'd be most noble unsaid

lost

2006-03-10T13:49:00.000-08:00

feeling disconnected
time to break the bad news or lie
helpless to help
can i keep--is it even mine?
i think you're wrong
but i don't know what about,
i want you gone
but i can't do without
confused?
sad?
i'm too
____

to think

Knife-You

2006-02-22T16:00:00.000-08:00

No pain
as the wound is made;
you were sharpened to perfection.
Not until I started to bleed
Did I ever find it hard to breathe,
When memories turned into infection
No make-up today
What can i say?
Only you makes me feel pretty
But now I'm alone
Only you feels like home--
Trying to avoid their easy pity
You painless blade!
See the cuts you've made!
Come back, plug up the holes in me

Repeating

2006-02-22T15:56:00.000-08:00

there's pain
Breeding
in my
Bleeding
and i'm
Needing
what i'm
Feeding;
it lies;
Leading
as i'm
Pleading
tears
Receding
at the
Beating,
Brutal Kneading
of my mind

self-inflicted

2006-02-21T09:02:00.000-08:00

i'm being fried
and freeze-dried
at the same time
my insides
become raw;
never numb.

glutton for punishment

2006-02-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

i let you down--
again
while wearing some pretty gown
i dream and don't work for it.
damn.
i'm sick
again,
and almost won't take care of myself
because i'm disgusted.
because you're worth better
you deserve more

RESTLESS

2006-02-21T08:56:00.000-08:00

I can't stop--
Don't give me a second to Breathe,
Thinking's like picking a scab; Make me bleed,
Torn seams mended with tape--Tired and sore;
Dress me up; Put me on a dimly lit floor;
i'll dance alone til you meet me for the slow one

deal

2006-02-15T18:41:00.000-08:00

i'm wallowing and i can't drown
i was dumb enough; learned to swim
now i have to.
and it's all i can do:
sit here addressing envelopes to you
tracking lines
through the lies
stop
just before i start to cry
i throw down the pen and leave

living ghost

2006-02-03T13:30:00.000-08:00

from the wall you stare at me
i turn away, and still it's you i see
i kept bits of you to keep you here
now you're far away; you're so near
to killing my calm,
i'm still up but i'm already broken down,
and i'll stay up;
i'll wait up;
i'll be here when you get home

you're there, on the wall,
watching as my tears fall
watching me sleep
intruder, into my dreams you creep--
ecstasy
-- a glimpse of cynic reality
and i'm in nightmares

lonlie

2006-02-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

nobody to talk to,
no one’s on
my brother’s “music”
blares into my ears,
the sound welcome
against the still;
against the numb.
not even the
technology box
works for me now.
i need you now;
but i’ll have to wait—
won’t i?

hold me

2006-01-08T06:24:00.000-08:00

you leave and i'm cold again,
i want to lie there forever, skin-to-skin;
i spend hours trying to synthesize the scene
recreate how it is just before you leave.
takes tons of covers to make only half your heat,
takes jars of honey for kisses half so sweet;
everything i want, everything i need;
i can only get it all from you.

if i'm cold, being a bit more rough
if i'm not warm then you're not close enough
babe, you're eveything to [hold] me
[just hold me]

from behind the mirror

2005-12-27T13:43:00.000-08:00

you're in my address book twice
your families are cold as ice
beneath a warm, candy-coated veneer

you open up only to me
and from everything i can see
i need to get you away from here

dad keeps getting high
mama makes you cry
isn't there a damned thing i can do?

black mail, feuding generations,
they all fail to see your heart's lacerations
can i even try to save you?

they're tearing you apart
breaking not only your heart,
i'll always want to kill them
but i don't because they're your kin
they still have your undeserved love
yet they ban you to an alcove
where screaming, tears, blood
mix with the mud
lying at your feet

and without
a single way out
you pain is made complete

you're the doll
who takes it all
with silent tears no one can see
no on but me

where's her knight in armor
to put his arms around her
and sheild her from the cold?
(this is fast becoming old)
i guess i'll just have to stand in
cuz there's new pain that will begin
it will worsen before it heals
and it has no right to be real
not for you.

as i leave

2005-12-15T07:53:00.000-08:00

ten fingers squeeze;
pull;
sieze;
and claim me:yours.

two arms raise;
constrict;
phase;
and take me: yours.

one all of you....is;
simply
is;
and makes you: mine.

untitled (bland)

2005-10-26T13:57:00.000-07:00

i need this euphoria
your giving me gloria
hell, i need to see ya,
again

with you
i'm intoxicated,
my heart, lacerated,
feels whole and elated,
again

and now you're gone
days are too long
and everything's wrong

again

when the mask drops

2005-10-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

not thinking, he stops, his pain shows through,
he jerks, and his brilliant facade comes to,
one split-second and he regains his cool
and then i look away...

this is where you falter, feel
this is when it all returns to real,
this is where your acting stops,
here there are no set, no props,
this is how i see you:
i see you as your mask drops

over in the margin

2005-10-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

this is where i am,
over on the side,
this is where you put me:
somewhere from which you can hide
did you really expect me to
believe
you?